Our church had Vacation Bible School this week, and although little man wasn't old enough for a class, I took him along with me. He loves going in church to watch the band play, so it was a special treat for him. I was really struck by how he absorbed what was going on and had such a desire to jump in and imitate what he was seeing. Every time he heard "raise your hand if..." his hands immediately went up in the air. And the theme song for the week was "Thrive" by Casting Crowns: Joy Unspeakable, Faith Unsinkable, Love Unstoppable, Anything is Possible! I got really tickled at his version "Anything is soccer ball." He even learned one of the simple memory verses. I'm not saying this to brag on my child, because I realize he is not a child prodigy (although the grandparents would disagree); or to brag on myself, because I am definitely not a super-mommy. I say this because I see a typical two-year-old who is soaking up his environment and mimicking what he sees. I know these sweet moments don't hold understanding, but I do pray that these habits will lead to understanding and an authentic relationship with God.
Watching him this week has really reiterated how God paints a perfect picture of his love for us through our children. I tread carefully over these next words as I remember the pain in my heart every time someone uttered the words "you will understand when you have children." Suddenly I felt reduced to less of a person because I didn't have the one thing I wanted more than anything. So it's with compassion in my heart that I say that since becoming a parent I see my relationship with God in a new light. I would like to share a few illustrations of that relationship that I've noticed lately.
My child, to put it mildly, is a momma's boy. In spite of efforts to push him toward independence, he likes to have me around. And in this big scary world, I am the one who brings him comfort. When he doesn't have the words to express what burdens him, he runs to me, arms outstretched and tears streaming, and there the world becomes a little less scary. As a parent it's frustrating to not know how to fix things, but I find so much joy in the fact that I can bring comfort to him. Romans 8:15 tell us that we cry "Abba, Father." According my research and what I've been taught, this is similar to the English word "Daddy." With that cry we become like children crying out to our heavenly Daddy to hold us. We may have more worldly knowledge, but aren't we all just lost children trying to navigate a big, scary world? Just as our little ones find comfort in us, the Bible tells us we can run to God to be held, to make the world less scary, to find rest. And in the same way God finds pleasure in holding us. Matthew 11:28 says Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
In thinking about this topic another phrase that popped into my head was "separation anxiety." That's something we have gotten to know all too well. Thankfully this has improved somewhat for us, but for a while it was extremely trying. I can't understand what this all about for a child, but I imagine it's very intimidating to be in an unfamiliar setting without the one who brings you stability and comfort. Doesn't that sum up our struggles as Christians perfectly? Simply put, when we are separated from God, we have anxiety. The only difference here, is the ball is in our court. God IS with us everywhere we go, we just have to acknowledge him, invite him in.....make the connection. This phrase now has new meaning to me. When I feel overwhelmed I can ask myself if I'm having separation anxiety from my Father.
This summer I've been teaching a class at the dude's pre-school. He's right across the hall and gets to see me a lot. Poor thing stands at the door and makes eyes at me sometimes. But sometimes it is so frustrating to him that I'm so close but so far away. Today he was very upset and I was so tempted to go get him and bring him into my room. My flesh wanted to hold him and give him all the comfort he desired. But I knew that's not what he needed. I knew he had to learn to depend on his teacher and follow the rules and not receive special treatment as a teacher's kid. I had to step back and listen to his cries. Maybe this is the most revealing thing about God's parent-child relationship with us. Sometimes we know God's there but we just don't feel like we can get to Him, like He's just barely out of reach. Sometimes we feel like we are sinking. But God is there. He hears our cries, and I know they break His heart. And just as we know what's best for our children in ways they don't understand, God knows what's best for us. We don't understand it, but we can find comfort in remembering that He is so much smarter than we are, and one day we will understand. 1 Corinithians 13:12 tells us Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And probably the biggest, most profound picture God paints for us through parenthood is the truth that my child can never, ever, no way, no how, do anything that will stop my love for him. He frustrates me, keeps me up at night, has fits in public that make me want to crawl under a rock, disappoints me, and I'm sure these things will only grow in intensity. But I cannot imagine him ever doing anything to keep me from loving Him. The joy he brings just by being mine far outweighs all his transgressions against me. And that's God's ultimate message for us. WE ARE HIS. No matter what we do to stray from Him, he will always love us.
Romans 8: 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[k] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
If you are parent, I hope you are aware of God's presence as you deal with your kids. I pray that through your trials and errors, you will be made ever more aware of God's love for you. And if you aren't a parent yet, don't be disheartened. God's ways are so much bigger than our ways, and He will bring you understanding that is perfectly fit for you. You are no less of a person, and more importantly---no less loved---if you do not have children.
Thursday, July 16, 2015
Monday, June 22, 2015
Pretty
I had some free time today to get out and about, so with vacation approaching in a few weeks I thought I would go take a look at (gulp).....swimsuits. Since I'm on day 12 or so of a new diet, this wasn't something I was excited about, but I figured they would be completely picked over by the time I really needed one. I had the dude with me as I looked through all the fullest-coverage pieces I could find. In true form, he enjoyed pulling things off hangers and touching every garmet he could get his hands on while I shopped. I pulled a couple things and drug us, buggy and all, into the dressing room. I put on the size-too-small bottoms (ambitious thinking) and then the top...and as I stood in front of the mirror picking out which rolls were the most obvious, my two year old stopped me in my tracks. "Dat pretty, mommy. Mommy pretty." Heart. Melted. And you know what I did? I bought that swimsuit, rolls and all, because the person that matters most to me thought it was pretty. Maybe it will be look better in a few weeks, or maybe it will end up returned to the store, but that's really beside the point.
Point number 1....Kids aren't born seeing fat. They aren't born seeing ugly. You know who they learn it from? First they learn it from us. They see us getting on the scale every day. They hear us giving ourselves grief. I shamefully admit that I can't count the times little man has watched me step off the scale and said "My turn" and climbed on right after me. I know there are probably a thousand other bloggers making the same point, and maybe I'm making the same one over and over. But maybe that's because we need to hear it over and over. I struggle to make myself believe it even as I type it. Are we teaching our kids to be healthy or are we teaching them to hate themselves?
Point number 2...What is more important than how our kids see us? Should I be more concerned about how many dimples are showing (and I don't mean on my face), or about how much fun I'm having with my child in the water?
Last week I did a Father's day activity with some preschoolers...the kind where they have sentences to complete about their dads. Most of them were the same..."My dad is good at working, My dad likes to mow the grass, etc." But the one I loved the most said things like "My dad likes to fight. My dad is good at handstands. He is not good at backflips." I was telling my husband about this and he said, "You know, that's the kind of dad I want to be. I don't want my kids to think all I do is work." So simple, yet so powerful.
I understand that most of us don't have any choice but to work, and we don't have as much time as we'd like with our kids. But I think quality wins over quantity. Let's make the time we have count. Let's be moms that don't just stay fully clothed and stick our feet in the water, let's jump in and play! Let's be dads that do backflips and handstands in spite of exhaustion from a long day's work. That five, or ten, or thirty minutes is what makes our kids think we're pretty.
Point number 1....Kids aren't born seeing fat. They aren't born seeing ugly. You know who they learn it from? First they learn it from us. They see us getting on the scale every day. They hear us giving ourselves grief. I shamefully admit that I can't count the times little man has watched me step off the scale and said "My turn" and climbed on right after me. I know there are probably a thousand other bloggers making the same point, and maybe I'm making the same one over and over. But maybe that's because we need to hear it over and over. I struggle to make myself believe it even as I type it. Are we teaching our kids to be healthy or are we teaching them to hate themselves?
Point number 2...What is more important than how our kids see us? Should I be more concerned about how many dimples are showing (and I don't mean on my face), or about how much fun I'm having with my child in the water?
Last week I did a Father's day activity with some preschoolers...the kind where they have sentences to complete about their dads. Most of them were the same..."My dad is good at working, My dad likes to mow the grass, etc." But the one I loved the most said things like "My dad likes to fight. My dad is good at handstands. He is not good at backflips." I was telling my husband about this and he said, "You know, that's the kind of dad I want to be. I don't want my kids to think all I do is work." So simple, yet so powerful.
I understand that most of us don't have any choice but to work, and we don't have as much time as we'd like with our kids. But I think quality wins over quantity. Let's make the time we have count. Let's be moms that don't just stay fully clothed and stick our feet in the water, let's jump in and play! Let's be dads that do backflips and handstands in spite of exhaustion from a long day's work. That five, or ten, or thirty minutes is what makes our kids think we're pretty.
Sunday, June 7, 2015
Perfection
Why, oh why, are we so hard on ourselves? What is this perfection that we seek? This is something that keeps coming to my attention through interactions with my friends and it really is heart breaking.
The other day I went to pick up something at a friend's house. She has four children under the age of 7, and the first thing that came out of her mouth were apologies for the condition of her home. Yet, my heart leapt to see piles of laundry in the floor and toys scattered about. It sure did give me validation for the mess I had waiting on me at my own house. I came home and texted her pictures of my mess, in hopes of returning the favor. See, I think my house needs to be perfect. I know there are women who are wired differently than me who are able to stay on top of things a little better than I am. I want to be them. But I'm not. I'm not going to say these messes are "real life," because they aren't everyone's reality, but the point is, why do we think we have to have to be like everyone else?
Another friend texted me a picture of the both of us the other day. The first thing I did was start making digs at myself regarding how awful I looked in the picture. She pointed out that she had done the same thing of herself. And here we are again, comparing ourselves to others.
I left a friend's home today nearly in tears of embarrassment over my child's behavior. Why am I not a better parent? Here I am, professionally trained to deal with children and I can't get ahold of my own child. I couldn't help but wonder what my friends were thinking or saying after we left.
And it goes on and on...why can't I control my diet, why can't I be a better wife, why can't I be a better Christian.......why can't I just be perfect!?!?!?!
These are the lies we believe, the flaming arrows the enemy pierces us with when we aren't dressed in our armor. Most of us know the truth, it's just a matter of letting it reign over us.
Today at church we sang "How He Loves." I will post a video in case you haven't ever heard this amazing song. Here a few of the life-changing words:
He is jealous for me
Love's like a hurricane, and I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize just how beautiful you are
and how great your affections are for me.
And oh
How He loves us oh
Oh how He loves us
How He loves us all.
That line in italics is the one that shouted at me today. I've sung those words 100 times, but they've never stung me like they did today. When we think about God's love for us, how huge and sacrificial and unimaginable it is, all of those imperfections we dwell on are rendered insignificant. After all, we are made perfect in Christ Alone.
We've spent a lot of time discussing the story of the prodigal son (see Luke 15) at church lately. And the whole point is that the father, after seeing how horribly flawed his son was, and how inexcusable his behavior had been, still welcomed him home with open arms and enormous celebration. He didn't see his mistakes, his failures, or his flaws. He looked at him through eyes of love.
We are all that prodigal, and God doesn't care too much about how imperfect we are. He only cares that we are running to Him for rescue. Maybe we should stop looking side to side at what we think we need to look like, and start looking up to the One who sees and loves us as we are.
2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
The other day I went to pick up something at a friend's house. She has four children under the age of 7, and the first thing that came out of her mouth were apologies for the condition of her home. Yet, my heart leapt to see piles of laundry in the floor and toys scattered about. It sure did give me validation for the mess I had waiting on me at my own house. I came home and texted her pictures of my mess, in hopes of returning the favor. See, I think my house needs to be perfect. I know there are women who are wired differently than me who are able to stay on top of things a little better than I am. I want to be them. But I'm not. I'm not going to say these messes are "real life," because they aren't everyone's reality, but the point is, why do we think we have to have to be like everyone else?
Another friend texted me a picture of the both of us the other day. The first thing I did was start making digs at myself regarding how awful I looked in the picture. She pointed out that she had done the same thing of herself. And here we are again, comparing ourselves to others.
I left a friend's home today nearly in tears of embarrassment over my child's behavior. Why am I not a better parent? Here I am, professionally trained to deal with children and I can't get ahold of my own child. I couldn't help but wonder what my friends were thinking or saying after we left.
And it goes on and on...why can't I control my diet, why can't I be a better wife, why can't I be a better Christian.......why can't I just be perfect!?!?!?!
These are the lies we believe, the flaming arrows the enemy pierces us with when we aren't dressed in our armor. Most of us know the truth, it's just a matter of letting it reign over us.
Today at church we sang "How He Loves." I will post a video in case you haven't ever heard this amazing song. Here a few of the life-changing words:
He is jealous for me
Love's like a hurricane, and I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize just how beautiful you are
and how great your affections are for me.
And oh
How He loves us oh
Oh how He loves us
How He loves us all.
That line in italics is the one that shouted at me today. I've sung those words 100 times, but they've never stung me like they did today. When we think about God's love for us, how huge and sacrificial and unimaginable it is, all of those imperfections we dwell on are rendered insignificant. After all, we are made perfect in Christ Alone.
We've spent a lot of time discussing the story of the prodigal son (see Luke 15) at church lately. And the whole point is that the father, after seeing how horribly flawed his son was, and how inexcusable his behavior had been, still welcomed him home with open arms and enormous celebration. He didn't see his mistakes, his failures, or his flaws. He looked at him through eyes of love.
We are all that prodigal, and God doesn't care too much about how imperfect we are. He only cares that we are running to Him for rescue. Maybe we should stop looking side to side at what we think we need to look like, and start looking up to the One who sees and loves us as we are.
2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Saturday, May 30, 2015
Recharge
Friday:
School got out last week, so I've been at home this week with the dude, putting him through potty boot camp. I've had a few God whispers through that process, like what a proud parent God must be when we have victories. And the loving forgiveness (and probably a little disappointment) He must feel when we mess up. But I figured most people wouldn't want to read a full blog post about potty training.
For that reason, I've been waiting on my next scattered moment, the moments that drive me crazy but at the same time teach me lessons and put me in my place. And today, I got one. I mentioned in my first post that I was using an old laptop with an exploded battery that had to stay plugged in. It isn't a huge issue except that the charging cable is magnetic and easily gets bumped and then you have to restart everything. So thankfully, it's summer and I got to check out my work laptop. Well, this morning I was ready to sit down and do some work and the laptop was totally dead. I had just charged it yesterday, but the charger was nowhere to be found. Here, I had this perfectly useful tool that could help me accomplish anything I needed or wanted to do, but without power, it was useless. Dead. And it occurred to me, or maybe God whispered to me, that that's exactly what we are. We are God's tool, capable of doing anything He wants us to do. But without being plugged in to Him, we are useless. As good as dead.
Saturday:
That's where I stopped yesterday. I felt like I was being pressed to write on this topic of recharging, but I was really struggling with where to go with it. So I just let it sit and marinate.
A few minutes ago I got a text that our church homegroup was meeting tomorrow and discussing the next chapter in the book we are reading. So I after things settled down, I sat down and read the chapter. On Saturday night. At 9 p.m. Then it hit me. I am that person...the one that waits until Saturday night to prepare, like I'm studying for a test. Here's the shameful truth. This was the first thing I had done to recharge this week. As Christians, we know what to do to refuel daily: 1. Read the Word (Hebrews 4:12). 2.Talk to Jesus (1Thessalonians 5:17). I am quick to make excuses about why I haven't done that this week. But the excuses don't matter. These are the things that plug us back in, that recharge us, and equip us to be useful for God. So I challenge you to ask yourself how often you have been recharging.
And maybe we are all at different places. For example, when my phone sits on the table all day untouched, the battery holds up for a long time. It just needs to recharge at night. But when I've had a busy day and it's really been through a lot, it may need to recharge several times. Then there is my poor 10 year-old laptop that is so broken it has to stay plugged in directly and hold on for dear life to even stay on. See where I'm going? Life means we have times when we are untouched and can keep going a long time on one charge. And it also means there are times we are so broken we have to be plugged in directly to even get out of the bed.
I suppose a good test of whether we are recharging often enough would be measuring our output. There is a direct relationship between our power source and what we are accomplishing for God. We can take it back to the vine.
John 15:5 I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
Jesus says that if we are plugged into him, we will be productive. That's pretty black and white. Staying powered up=being useful for God. And in case there is any more question, the fruits are spelled out in detail in Galatians 5.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
I also think it's important to emphasize that these aren't attributes we are supposed to try to attain, rather they will appear in us when we are properly connected to Jesus.
So, in my effort to be transparent, I shamefully admit that I need to recharge more. I need to be better at my "dailies." I want to be useful and productive for whatever God needs to me to be. I'm challenging myself to read my Bible every day in the month of June. And I don't mean just skimming through a verse just to check it off my list (been there, done that), but really read and really listen. Every day. Maybe re-read one of the gospels. The book of Proverbs has 31 chapters..start a day early and you'll have one for every day of the month. I'm not even sure what I'm going to read yet, but you really can't go wrong, can you? Who is with me?
School got out last week, so I've been at home this week with the dude, putting him through potty boot camp. I've had a few God whispers through that process, like what a proud parent God must be when we have victories. And the loving forgiveness (and probably a little disappointment) He must feel when we mess up. But I figured most people wouldn't want to read a full blog post about potty training.
For that reason, I've been waiting on my next scattered moment, the moments that drive me crazy but at the same time teach me lessons and put me in my place. And today, I got one. I mentioned in my first post that I was using an old laptop with an exploded battery that had to stay plugged in. It isn't a huge issue except that the charging cable is magnetic and easily gets bumped and then you have to restart everything. So thankfully, it's summer and I got to check out my work laptop. Well, this morning I was ready to sit down and do some work and the laptop was totally dead. I had just charged it yesterday, but the charger was nowhere to be found. Here, I had this perfectly useful tool that could help me accomplish anything I needed or wanted to do, but without power, it was useless. Dead. And it occurred to me, or maybe God whispered to me, that that's exactly what we are. We are God's tool, capable of doing anything He wants us to do. But without being plugged in to Him, we are useless. As good as dead.
Saturday:
That's where I stopped yesterday. I felt like I was being pressed to write on this topic of recharging, but I was really struggling with where to go with it. So I just let it sit and marinate.
A few minutes ago I got a text that our church homegroup was meeting tomorrow and discussing the next chapter in the book we are reading. So I after things settled down, I sat down and read the chapter. On Saturday night. At 9 p.m. Then it hit me. I am that person...the one that waits until Saturday night to prepare, like I'm studying for a test. Here's the shameful truth. This was the first thing I had done to recharge this week. As Christians, we know what to do to refuel daily: 1. Read the Word (Hebrews 4:12). 2.Talk to Jesus (1Thessalonians 5:17). I am quick to make excuses about why I haven't done that this week. But the excuses don't matter. These are the things that plug us back in, that recharge us, and equip us to be useful for God. So I challenge you to ask yourself how often you have been recharging.
And maybe we are all at different places. For example, when my phone sits on the table all day untouched, the battery holds up for a long time. It just needs to recharge at night. But when I've had a busy day and it's really been through a lot, it may need to recharge several times. Then there is my poor 10 year-old laptop that is so broken it has to stay plugged in directly and hold on for dear life to even stay on. See where I'm going? Life means we have times when we are untouched and can keep going a long time on one charge. And it also means there are times we are so broken we have to be plugged in directly to even get out of the bed.
I suppose a good test of whether we are recharging often enough would be measuring our output. There is a direct relationship between our power source and what we are accomplishing for God. We can take it back to the vine.
John 15:5 I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
Jesus says that if we are plugged into him, we will be productive. That's pretty black and white. Staying powered up=being useful for God. And in case there is any more question, the fruits are spelled out in detail in Galatians 5.
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
I also think it's important to emphasize that these aren't attributes we are supposed to try to attain, rather they will appear in us when we are properly connected to Jesus.
So, in my effort to be transparent, I shamefully admit that I need to recharge more. I need to be better at my "dailies." I want to be useful and productive for whatever God needs to me to be. I'm challenging myself to read my Bible every day in the month of June. And I don't mean just skimming through a verse just to check it off my list (been there, done that), but really read and really listen. Every day. Maybe re-read one of the gospels. The book of Proverbs has 31 chapters..start a day early and you'll have one for every day of the month. I'm not even sure what I'm going to read yet, but you really can't go wrong, can you? Who is with me?
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
Waiting
Welcome to the latest installment of my crazy, scattered life. One would think I might be able to make it at least a week without new content, but not so much lately. I imagine it's all the craziness of the "close of school" requirements--you know, the ones that aren't part of your normal routine that are just piled on top of all the normal stuff. That's probably what's depleting my brain cells. Well, that, and the two year old person (whom I love dearly) that is stealing my pillow, along with my sleep, these days.
To recap, I've had a flat tire and broken my cell phone twice, along with my typical losing jewelry and mates to shoes, within the last month. So it shouldn't be a surprise that I got ready to leave school this afternoon and couldn't find my [one and only set of] car keys. Well, technically, I did find them. They just weren't too useful to me where they were--locked in the backseat of my car. I texted my husband that I was calling a locksmith, and that I would go ahead and pack my bags for my mom's (joking, of course), when he reminded me calmly (love his merciful self) that our roadside assistance would handle it for free. And just as an aside, apparently it is not acceptable or wise to lock your car from the door rather than the remote, even if your hands are so full you can't physically hit the "lock" button on the remote. That's what elbows are for, right?
So there I was at 3:30, with errands to run, with an hour long wait to get into my car. This is the moment that should have induced stress and frustration, but wildly enough I was content to sit at a picnic table in the shade and wait. Things have been so crazy and non-stop lately that just sitting there was a welcome change. There was a warm breeze and birds were singing, and I got to have a nice long phone conversation with an old friend. All things that would have gone unnoticed and undone had I not made my stupid scattered mistake. As I was sitting there I started wondering what the lesson was for me in this situation. It came to me pretty quickly.
This was a simple example of something that happens to us over and over. We have plans. God's plans are different, things don't work out like we expect. We wait. And what we do with that wait, well that's just as important, sometimes even more important than the thing we are waiting on. I'm sure you can insert your own circumstances into the scenario.
I've been there a lot. And I know I will be there more. The time my husband was out of work....and we had to wait for a job. That was some seriously hard waiting. Of course God provided for us, but having to trust him so fully was a huge exercise of faith. One that battled doubt, fear, anger, frustration, and control. But that wait caused us to lean on God in such a new, big way.
And then there was the infertility. I didn't publicize it much then, but I know it's my responsibility to share it now. That was SO not my plan. Words can't express that pain and the way that "ailment" consumes your life. That wait was torture. But that wait also brought me close to so many friends who had walked my path. I experienced God's love and hope through his children like never before. And peace. Peace that surpassed anything I could understand. That wait...I wouldn't change it for anything.
Waiting on little man. Wow. There are no words. Going in to the hospital pregnant and not knowing if you are going to come home with a baby...I can't even... This is the wait that got us the most. This is the first time in our lives that we had to surrender everything. In the other waits, there were actions we could take to make ourselves feel like we were being proactive. But here, all we could do was be still and wait on God. I don't know how we did it. There is only one explanation, and that's that God was there in the wait, loving on us, whispering peace, shushing our tears.
Then little man was here, and once again we waited. We waited for him to grow enough to come home. This had its own challenges as we struggled with all the new parent things in the most unnatural setting. Being separated for seven weeks totally brought out the best and the worst in us. To be completely honest, it wasn't a period that I spent a lot of time in prayer. I'm confident that I just existed on the prayers of everyone else. Like Mary, I took all these things and pondered them in my heart. It was the longest and shortest seven weeks of my life. It was the closest and furthest away I've ever felt to God. That wait was special, something that I could never explain, but would never ever change.
And now we wait again. What does God have next for us? Will He grow our family, and if He does how will that be? All we can do is wait. But I've learned that waiting isn't something to curse. Waiting is where we are pruned, where we lean on God, and where we experience new blessings.
So I encourage you, whatever you are waiting on, don't grow discouraged. Seek God, soak up what He is offering you now. Don't miss your life now for looking only toward what you are waiting on. Great things happen while you wait.
Psalm 37: 3-8
Trust in the Lord and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Delight yourself in the Lord
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him and he will do this:
He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;
do not fret-it leads only to evil.
To recap, I've had a flat tire and broken my cell phone twice, along with my typical losing jewelry and mates to shoes, within the last month. So it shouldn't be a surprise that I got ready to leave school this afternoon and couldn't find my [one and only set of] car keys. Well, technically, I did find them. They just weren't too useful to me where they were--locked in the backseat of my car. I texted my husband that I was calling a locksmith, and that I would go ahead and pack my bags for my mom's (joking, of course), when he reminded me calmly (love his merciful self) that our roadside assistance would handle it for free. And just as an aside, apparently it is not acceptable or wise to lock your car from the door rather than the remote, even if your hands are so full you can't physically hit the "lock" button on the remote. That's what elbows are for, right?
So there I was at 3:30, with errands to run, with an hour long wait to get into my car. This is the moment that should have induced stress and frustration, but wildly enough I was content to sit at a picnic table in the shade and wait. Things have been so crazy and non-stop lately that just sitting there was a welcome change. There was a warm breeze and birds were singing, and I got to have a nice long phone conversation with an old friend. All things that would have gone unnoticed and undone had I not made my stupid scattered mistake. As I was sitting there I started wondering what the lesson was for me in this situation. It came to me pretty quickly.
This was a simple example of something that happens to us over and over. We have plans. God's plans are different, things don't work out like we expect. We wait. And what we do with that wait, well that's just as important, sometimes even more important than the thing we are waiting on. I'm sure you can insert your own circumstances into the scenario.
I've been there a lot. And I know I will be there more. The time my husband was out of work....and we had to wait for a job. That was some seriously hard waiting. Of course God provided for us, but having to trust him so fully was a huge exercise of faith. One that battled doubt, fear, anger, frustration, and control. But that wait caused us to lean on God in such a new, big way.
And then there was the infertility. I didn't publicize it much then, but I know it's my responsibility to share it now. That was SO not my plan. Words can't express that pain and the way that "ailment" consumes your life. That wait was torture. But that wait also brought me close to so many friends who had walked my path. I experienced God's love and hope through his children like never before. And peace. Peace that surpassed anything I could understand. That wait...I wouldn't change it for anything.
Waiting on little man. Wow. There are no words. Going in to the hospital pregnant and not knowing if you are going to come home with a baby...I can't even... This is the wait that got us the most. This is the first time in our lives that we had to surrender everything. In the other waits, there were actions we could take to make ourselves feel like we were being proactive. But here, all we could do was be still and wait on God. I don't know how we did it. There is only one explanation, and that's that God was there in the wait, loving on us, whispering peace, shushing our tears.
Then little man was here, and once again we waited. We waited for him to grow enough to come home. This had its own challenges as we struggled with all the new parent things in the most unnatural setting. Being separated for seven weeks totally brought out the best and the worst in us. To be completely honest, it wasn't a period that I spent a lot of time in prayer. I'm confident that I just existed on the prayers of everyone else. Like Mary, I took all these things and pondered them in my heart. It was the longest and shortest seven weeks of my life. It was the closest and furthest away I've ever felt to God. That wait was special, something that I could never explain, but would never ever change.
And now we wait again. What does God have next for us? Will He grow our family, and if He does how will that be? All we can do is wait. But I've learned that waiting isn't something to curse. Waiting is where we are pruned, where we lean on God, and where we experience new blessings.
So I encourage you, whatever you are waiting on, don't grow discouraged. Seek God, soak up what He is offering you now. Don't miss your life now for looking only toward what you are waiting on. Great things happen while you wait.
Psalm 37: 3-8
Trust in the Lord and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Delight yourself in the Lord
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him and he will do this:
He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;
do not fret-it leads only to evil.
Sunday, May 17, 2015
Mercy
I am thinking I very appropriately titled my blog. My life is bringing about plenty of content for it! A couple of weeks ago (like literally 2 weeks ago), I dropped my phone and shattered the screen. It didn't have a case on it, and I took responsibility for it. I even let my husband say "I told you so" without putting up a fight. To my dismay, the most sensible option was to pay more than the cost of the phone to have the screen replaced. So the problem was fixed, and I got over it. Come yesterday morning. The little one had a fever, and we had plans for later in the day. So I rushed to get a shower, and raced to get to the doctor's office before they opened. As all moms know, that's what you must do in order to not spend your entire weekend there. So as I was jumping out of the car with my wet hair and make-up free face, my newly replaced phone slipped right out of my hand onto the asphalt. Shattered. Worse than the first time. This was reminiscent of the time I backed my car into 3 different things in one month, but I digress. I fought tears back and got settled into the waiting room and was filled with that feeling you get when you know you've messed up really bad and you have to break the news to someone. I fully expected my husband to lash out in frustration with his not so sweetly scattered wife....which would have been understandable. But, he didn't. He very calmly took a deep breath and told me not to worry about it. And I heard that word again in my spirit. "Mercy."
It's a word that was brought to my attention about a week ago while I was watching Veggie Tales with little man. I had been praying for some guidance about a situation, and that's how God delivered it! We were watching "Jonah," and I heard a little different perspective on the story. In all my recollections of hearing Jonah's story, it has been spun as a lesson about running away from God. But on the other side of this story is God's mercy for Ninevah. I had to do a little research to check my facts, but Ninevah was a very powerful and evil city. Jonah was raised to hate the Assyrians, so when God asked him to go preach there, it was natural for him to run. Jonah didn't want Ninevah to be redeemed. Isn't it like us to think we know better than God? But...God wanted Ninevah to repent, and in the end, because Jonah was eventually obedient, they did just that. God showed them mercy. Jonah was frustrated with God for showing them mercy, because he didn't think they deserved it. Ultimately, God used a vine to show Jonah that he had no right to be angry over God's compassion. I won't recount all those details....you can find it in Jonah 4.
In the Veggie Tales video, the word "mercy" was defined. I looked it up and found it defined as "kind or forgiving treatment of someone who could be treated harshly." I think the kid friendly definition was something like "giving someone another chance when they don't deserve it."
Knowing that, I think of all the mercy I've received. Over things as small as shattering my cell phone to as huge as the sum of all my sins. Shouldn't I, then, be merciful to those I don't think deserve it? After all, God created them all and loves them all. And wants me to show compassion just as He would.
Luke 35-36
"But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful."
As I sat to write this post, still searching for what to say, the song "Mercy" was the first to come up on my playlist. What perfect words to help us remember the measure of mercy we've been shown. if you've never heard it, I encourage you to listen. It's one of my favorites.
It's a word that was brought to my attention about a week ago while I was watching Veggie Tales with little man. I had been praying for some guidance about a situation, and that's how God delivered it! We were watching "Jonah," and I heard a little different perspective on the story. In all my recollections of hearing Jonah's story, it has been spun as a lesson about running away from God. But on the other side of this story is God's mercy for Ninevah. I had to do a little research to check my facts, but Ninevah was a very powerful and evil city. Jonah was raised to hate the Assyrians, so when God asked him to go preach there, it was natural for him to run. Jonah didn't want Ninevah to be redeemed. Isn't it like us to think we know better than God? But...God wanted Ninevah to repent, and in the end, because Jonah was eventually obedient, they did just that. God showed them mercy. Jonah was frustrated with God for showing them mercy, because he didn't think they deserved it. Ultimately, God used a vine to show Jonah that he had no right to be angry over God's compassion. I won't recount all those details....you can find it in Jonah 4.
In the Veggie Tales video, the word "mercy" was defined. I looked it up and found it defined as "kind or forgiving treatment of someone who could be treated harshly." I think the kid friendly definition was something like "giving someone another chance when they don't deserve it."
Knowing that, I think of all the mercy I've received. Over things as small as shattering my cell phone to as huge as the sum of all my sins. Shouldn't I, then, be merciful to those I don't think deserve it? After all, God created them all and loves them all. And wants me to show compassion just as He would.
Luke 35-36
"But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful."
As I sat to write this post, still searching for what to say, the song "Mercy" was the first to come up on my playlist. What perfect words to help us remember the measure of mercy we've been shown. if you've never heard it, I encourage you to listen. It's one of my favorites.
Thursday, May 14, 2015
Sweetly Scattered
Wow, it's been quite a while since I've braved the blogosphere. In this world where I've tried to back away from oversharing, cut back on the social media, and live life face to face, I feel the conflicting urge to empty my heart of the jumbled noise running through my head--the need to see it transform into something meaningful with each stroke of a key. It's a need that's mostly for me, as I know my thoughts become more clear as I see them in front of me. But there's also a little whisper in my soul that tells me that as God speaks to me, He might also be speaking to someone else. So while I know that this blog won't make me famous, or even have more than a handful of followers, I feel led to stretch my comfort zone just a little and see where God leads.
This is different from the other blogs I've had. My purpose is simple: Be real. I won't go to the trouble of having a perfectly monogrammed and polka-dotted custom page design. Because I don't have a perfectly put together life. I sit at this moment in my bed, typing on a 10-year-old laptop that has to stay plugged in because the battery exploded about 5 years ago, looking at a playpen that is now used for a clothes draping device, and sneezing because of the dust that covers the furniture. And I can look at it all and chant my new mantra "It's a beautiful mess." All these things are results of blessings, and I am learning to soak it up.
As I was thinking and searching for the perfect name for a new blog, I wanted to reflect 2 Corinthians 12:9 But he [Jesus] said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." As I thought about my weaknesses, I was reminded of the song "Sweetly Broken." I visualized brokenness as a vase broken and scattered. And then I realized that scattered was the perfect way to describe myself. Sometimes I feel like I'm pulled in every direction, a thousand little pieces that are suppose to be together. And that's where the "sweetly" comes in. If I was able to keep it together, what need would I have for grace? Galatians 2:21 "I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law [my own effort] , Christ died for nothing."
I'm here to boast about my weaknesses, because when I am weak, He is definitely strong. I pray that by being open about the thorns in my flesh, others may see how God's power has rested on me. And I pray that by letting you see how scattered I am, you can be encouraged when you aren't so perfectly put together.
This is different from the other blogs I've had. My purpose is simple: Be real. I won't go to the trouble of having a perfectly monogrammed and polka-dotted custom page design. Because I don't have a perfectly put together life. I sit at this moment in my bed, typing on a 10-year-old laptop that has to stay plugged in because the battery exploded about 5 years ago, looking at a playpen that is now used for a clothes draping device, and sneezing because of the dust that covers the furniture. And I can look at it all and chant my new mantra "It's a beautiful mess." All these things are results of blessings, and I am learning to soak it up.
As I was thinking and searching for the perfect name for a new blog, I wanted to reflect 2 Corinthians 12:9 But he [Jesus] said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." As I thought about my weaknesses, I was reminded of the song "Sweetly Broken." I visualized brokenness as a vase broken and scattered. And then I realized that scattered was the perfect way to describe myself. Sometimes I feel like I'm pulled in every direction, a thousand little pieces that are suppose to be together. And that's where the "sweetly" comes in. If I was able to keep it together, what need would I have for grace? Galatians 2:21 "I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law [my own effort] , Christ died for nothing."
I'm here to boast about my weaknesses, because when I am weak, He is definitely strong. I pray that by being open about the thorns in my flesh, others may see how God's power has rested on me. And I pray that by letting you see how scattered I am, you can be encouraged when you aren't so perfectly put together.
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